Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
