I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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