I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize