can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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My ATM looks so different sober.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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