$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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