i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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