By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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