Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
