Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
