I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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