You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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