I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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