we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
