Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
