my room smells like sperm. sweet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
