remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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