Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
