May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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