Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
