Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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