I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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