She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
