Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
