Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
