I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
