You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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