i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize