Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
