Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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