"it" just moved
I CAN MOONWALK!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
