can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So squirting runs in the family.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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