On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
