Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
