Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
