my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
