i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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