im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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