I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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