I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
