im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
