I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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