you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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