well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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