she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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