Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
