Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
