I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize