when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
