Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
