ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
