Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
