it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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