break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
