The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
