I hate your face
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
