sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
