got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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