I wish my penis had an off switch
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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