You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
