eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
