Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
