We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
