Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
