I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
