I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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