I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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