as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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