fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
