the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
