I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
