i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
