i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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