Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So many bounce houses so little time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
