last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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