Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
