The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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