This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
