She is in my trunk
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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