i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
