So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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