I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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