it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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